The SHOCKING truth behind Brexit revealed: “We’re Brexiting the bloody continent!”

Former EU citizens awaken to find unusual tugboats gathering at their shores

by Nigel P. Crustingham, staff writer

An anonymous MI6 whistleblower has revealed the SHOCKING truth behind Brexit, proving that the Remainers have been right all along: the people simply did not know what they were voting for.

From The Independent: The British public still have no idea what they voted for with Brexit

GQ Magazine UK: Nobody was smart enough to understand Brexit

The British public was deceived into believing Brexit had something to do with “national sovereignty” — i.e., transforming Britain into a white ethnostate via the mass deportation of Muslims, feminists, and persyns of gender. So long as Britain remained accountable to courageous individuals like ‪Guy Verhoftwat ‬and Angela Merkel, minorities remained protected from the bigotry of Tories. And the British public simply could not have that, now could they? 😠

From The Guardian: Racism rising since Brexit vote, nationwide study reveals

From Al Jazeera: Brexiters want to dismantle Britain’s European identity

Alas, the truth is far more sinister. For while there is no denying Boris Johnson poses an existential threat to persyns of Islam — it says so right here in The Guardian — Brexit was never about national sovereignty. Quite the contrary: From the very beginning, since the referendum was initially proposed back in May of 2015, the plan has been to wrestle British sovereignty away from Brussels and hand it over to Donald Trump.

We’re not just leaving the European Union — we’re Brexiting the bloody continent!

“Jeffrey has his own island. I want my own island too.” • Impeached White House occupant Donald Trump, May 2015

The illegitimate American president (who was recently impeached for investigating Joe Biden’s abuse of power) intends to have our fair, sweet isle towed approximately 666 myriameters (6,660 km) and deposited somewhere off the coast of Florida — presumably within swimming distance of his Mar-A-Lago resort. Our journey is projected to last twelve months, the duration of which is sure to be a tumultuous time of climate change and mass motion sickness.

“Trump only wanted to be president so he could get his hands on the Royal and Ancient Golf Club of St. Andrews. Those tiny, orange hands.” • Anonymous MI6 whistleblower

The Royal and Ancient Golf Club of St. Andrews, Scotland is the oldest and most prestigious golf club in the world. It comes as no surprise that Donald Trump should covet this national treasure, as all he’s really done since he taking office has been golf and compose racist tweets about congresswomxyzn Ilhan Omar. We knew he was after the NHS and that the Tories were happy to sell it to him — it says so right here on the Labor Party’s website — but for the architects of Brexit to have sold queen and county to this unelectable, unaccountable bully is treason of the highest order.

If only we had afforded the Scots their independence when we had the chance. Then Trump could have his golf course and leave England and Wales in peace.

The Irish are evidently aware that the other half of their country is to be returned to them; the Archbishop of Armagh reportedly said a special mass this morning in Donald Trump’s name.

NPC Daily reached out to German Führerin Angela Merkel, who expressed her deep concern for the fate of the Northern Irish and their ability to freely trade their potatoes in a matter that is advantageous to the remaining EU member states. The Führerin declared that Germany will NOT stand idly by as the people of Northern Ireland are thrown into labour camps by Donald Trump’s newfound allies. She seeks the creation of an EU army with which to liberate them (and their potatoes) from their fascist oppressors.

From BBC News: Angela Merkel says Germany ‘will stand’ with Northern Ireland

From The Express: Merkel reveals EU ARMY plan as she boasts ‘we can be BIGGER than United States’

Donald Trump is literally Hitler. Nay, he is worse than that; Hitler knew when to leave well enough alone and never tried to annex us.

Now is the time to band together, #resist the bad orange man, and demand the return of our national sovereignty. Because Britain rightly belongs to the Britons — NOT Donald Trump.

EDITOR’S NOTE: Our hearts go out to Nigel, Neville and all other persyns of Pommy in the wake of the terrible tragedy that is Brexit. You can show your support for their movement with the hashtag #ResistAndRemain or by donating to our SubscribeStar.


Nigel P. Crustingham

Nigel P. Crustingham was born into white privilege, the son of Marchioness Fionnula Tambling-Goggin (heiress to the immense Pemberton-Trickelbucket fortune) and Count Rutherford Periwinkle Crustingham (rumoured to be the illegitimate grandson of former Prime Minister Arthur "Neville" Chamberlain). Raised in the moors by the governess he affectionately dubbed "Aunt Paki", Nigel began advocating on behalf of oppressed minorities at an early age. When he was nine years old he ordered the kitchen staff to prepare a special menu for the black African servants, whom he viewed as the most oppressed. It warmed his heart to see the looks in their eyes when they realized they would be feasted night after night on naught but the ethnic delicacies of their homeland: fried chicken and chitterlings, orange jello and lemon jello. It was then Nigel realized he had discovered his calling. While met with limited success in his attempt to get his father to turn over his personal fortune to the Ugandan government by way of slavery reparations, he did manage to convince his cousin Madeline to follow her heart and elope with that handsome Syrian fellow she'd met online. Initially intent on pursuing a lucrative career in transgender BIPOC studies at the illustrious Oxford University, the groundbreaking investigative reporting of Rachel Maddow prompted Nigel to switch his major to journalism. He came to work for NPC Daily after a brief stint with the BBC, during which he was instrumental in getting Sargon of Akkad (not his real name) and Count Dankula (not a real count) banned from Discord. Nigel dreams of eradicating the middle class to pave the way for a brighter future in which the poors will own nothing and be blissfully happy. Everything on this site is satire.
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