Health CareWorld Events

Britons accused of intolerance no longer eligible for medical treatment

Cancel culture has FINALLY come for healthcare

By Nigel P. Crustingham, staff writer

The great benefit of having a government monopoly on healthcare is that the government gets to decide who is eligible to receive healthcare. Here in the United Kingdom, that is a big “AYE” to foreigners who take advantage of our free taxpayer-funded health services and a resounding “NAY” to bigots. Because hatethink (unlike healthcare tourism) is very much illegal.

READ: No Doors in Healthcare — NHS to remove doors from all facilities

READ: South Yorkshire resident arrested after SAVAGELY misgendering Michelle Obama

Under a new NHS policy, patients accused by NHS staffers of intolerance or discrimination are to be denied medical services — a move that many NHS staffers feel has been a long time coming.

“We don’t ‘ave the bleedin resources t’ care for all the immigrants and foreign nationals who come ‘ere, now do we? We’re ‘avin t’ build new ‘ostipals all the bloody time! Why would I bother with some native bigot who refuses t’ use me preferred forms of address? That’s a ‘ate crime, that is — literal violence.”

  • Dx. Fashbashia Smith, MD MRCPCH (de/dir)

“‘Oh, I’m sorry — you want a MAN to examine your prostate? Go die in a ditch, you misogynistic old tosser’ — that’s what I’ve been telling ’em.”

  • Hattie Starhawk, RN

Despite being a human right, healthcare is subject to the availability of supplies, equipment, services, labour, and physical space. All of these will remain limited in supply until a Labour government is elected to abolish that wickedly unjust Law of Scarcity the Tories put in place.

The Americans are fortunate not to be governed by such a law, as evidenced by the Democrats’ eagerness to provide free taxpayer-funded healthcare to persyns of illegal entry.

Bernie Sanders and Elizabeth Warren have even promised to abolish private healthcare, which would allow them to deny their own bigots access to medical care — namely TERFs and Trump supporters. So perhaps the gulags will not be necessary after all.

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Nigel P. Crustingham

Nigel P. Crustingham was born into white privilege, the son of Marchioness Fionnula Tambling-Goggin (heiress to the immense Pemberton-Trickelbucket fortune) and Count Rutherford Periwinkle Crustingham (rumoured to be the illegitimate grandson of former Prime Minister Arthur "Neville" Chamberlain). Raised in the moors by the governess he affectionately dubbed "Aunt Paki", Nigel began advocating on behalf of oppressed minorities at an early age. When he was nine years old he ordered the kitchen staff to prepare a special menu for the black African servants, whom he viewed as the most oppressed. It warmed his heart to see the looks in their eyes when they realized they would be feasted night after night on naught but the ethnic delicacies of their homeland: fried chicken and chitterlings, orange jello and lemon jello. It was then Nigel realized he had discovered his calling. While met with limited success in his attempt to get his father to turn over his personal fortune to the Ugandan government by way of slavery reparations, he did manage to convince his cousin Madeline to follow her heart and elope with that handsome Syrian fellow she'd met online. Initially intent on pursuing a lucrative career in transgender BIPOC studies at the illustrious Oxford University, the groundbreaking investigative reporting of Rachel Maddow prompted Nigel to switch his major to journalism. He came to work for NPC Daily after a brief stint with the BBC, during which he was instrumental in getting Sargon of Akkad (not his real name) and Count Dankula (not a real count) banned from Discord. Nigel dreams of eradicating the middle class to pave the way for a brighter future in which the poors will own nothing and be blissfully happy. Everything on this site is satire.

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