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Bernie Sanders suggests Russians responsible for campaign staff’s violent rhetoric

Sanders campaign may have been infiltrated by Russian body doubles

Democratic presidential hopeful Bernie Sanders (currently in fourth place) has suggested that the campaign staffers featured in recent Project Veritas #Expose2020 videos [1] [2] [3] [4] may have in fact been Russian body doubles, cloned in a top-secret laboratory from the saliva of his actual staff.

READ: Alt-right propaganda machine Project Veritas releases another video

READ: Bernie Sanders campaign courts moderate voters: “After we abolish landlords, we don’t have to kill them”

“It must have been the soy lattes”, Sanders posited during the recent Nevada debate. “They’re always drinking the damned things. The Russians must’ve gone through the trash and taken the cups. They’re trying to divide America.”

When asked to disavow the violent rhetoric coming out of his campaign, the Vermont socialist (who honeymooned in the Soviet Union and frequently extolls the virtues of a centrally-planned everything) replied, “Yeah, I’ll disavow it — I disavow everything the Russians have done since the fall of the Berlin Wall”.

“I disown those people, they are not part of our movement. I can’t even afford to pay my real staff a living wage — which is why I am once again asking for your financial support — so those clones can take a hike!”

  • Senator Bernie Sanders

The impoverished senator went on to insist that speaking openly about executing the wealthy and throwing Trump supporters in gulags is “strongly discouraged” within his campaign offices:

“That kind of rhetoric is best left to the Bros.”

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Staff Writer

One of our wage slave writers contracted with NPC Daily. Repeat after me - orange man bad. Everything on this site is satire.

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