Top 3 Reasons You Should Still Give Elizabeth Warren $3 Today

Progressives know best what to do with money

Let’s face it: When Elizabeth Warren announced that she was suspending her presidential campaign, America’s heart dropped, except for a handful of woman-hating racists and the old white men who remained in the race. At NPC Daily, there was not a dry eye in the news room. We stared at the bank of televisions, all broadcasting MSNBC, in stunned disbelief. Grief counsellors were brought in to help the journalists cope; an all-welcome crying closet was hastily erected with sustainable materials. After several agonizing hours of stunned belief, and questioning the misogyny and bigotry that eliminated the only female candidate of color from the race, the NPC journalists found their voices.

Once the staff cleared their eyes and had free soy lattes provided by the grief counsellors to bolster our courage, our focus changed from “how could this happen?” to “what can we do for Senator Warren right now?”

One brave journalist cleared x/their throat and boldly said, “I’m still giving her three dollars. Is that too much to ask? Three dollars to defeat all existential threats?” At NPC Daily, where we believe in truth over facts, journalists stood, or sat if that’s their preference, and did jazz hands, almost in unison. Smart phones pulled up Senator Warren’s website, which was still seeking $3.00 from everyone, even if it’s all you’ve got. Donations, and some tears of joy, flowed.

Some white supremacists will criticize the bravery of donating to a political campaign that has been suspended. We must resist their bigotry and give. It’s only three dollars she asks of us, is that really too much? Here are the top three reasons why you should still give $3.00 to Elizabeth Warren right now.

  1. Trump is an existential threat and must be defeated. You don’t need any other reason than this to give $3.00 to Elizabeth Warren right now. She has a plan to win in 2020, even though she is no longer running, and asks you to just do your fair share.
  2. Senator Warren in a woman of color. How will you explain this erratic election outcome to every young girl who asks you why she/they/other can’t be President now that Senator Warren was deprived of the presidency? $3.00, that’s how.
  3. Trump. It is not correct to blame the other Democrats for this; it’s clearly Trump’s fault for calling Senator Warren names. Again, your $3.00 can fix this tragedy.

It’s a well-known fact that every American can point to some aspect of their life that Senator Warren is responsible for making better. It’s time to give back to Senator Warren.

Diversity is our strength. Orange man bad. Give Elizabeth Warren $3.00 before it’s too late.

Pepe Johnson

Robert ("Pepe") Johnson is a Gen YZ freelance social justice facilitator. A graduate of Palo Alto State with a major in Mime, with a concentration in Walking Against the Wind, with post-graduate online certificates of knowledge in Non-Binary Gender Studies and 21st Century Bathroom Planning, "Pepe" has performed as a nude mime and human statue, as well as a professional protestor. "Pepe" is a nickname, but he has been called that since childhood, not for current political gain or to seem more Mexican. This entire site is satire.
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