Look, let’s be clear. Joe Biden is the only one who can accomplish the entire Democratic platform for 2020, which is to beat Donald Trump. All other Democratic candidates have endorsed him, except Bernie Sanders, who is expected to fall into line after the next debate on CNN.
But it’s not just politicians who have put their trust in Joe Biden. Celebrities and even former rivals have admitted that Joe is the right choice. And now Joe’s former street gang rival “Corn Pop” has officially endorsed Joe Biden for President.
“Ight! I’m endorsing Joe Biden for President.” revealed the still tough looking former street thug. “We had our differences back in the day, but I’m willing to put that aside for the soul of the nation, just like Joe said.”
Corn Pop granted an exclusive interview with NPC Daily to discuss his decision.
NPC: May I call you Corn Pop?
Corn Pop: Yeah sure.
NPC: What are your personal pronouns?
Corn Pop: What the f–k is that supposed to mean?
NPC: That’s ok we can come back to that. This is a stunning and brave announcement. It must have taken a lot of courage?
Corn Pop: I don’t know, Biden’s people contacted me and asked me about it. I never even knew that his name was Joe, and I can’t remember meeting him. There was a dude that used to hang around with the kids, ask them to rub his legs like, at a swimming pool back in the day that we used to call “Twinkie” and I just figured that’s him. So they asked me if I wanted to go on TV and say I used to be enemies with Twinkie, or “Joe”, and now I endorse him. I said, “what’s in it for me? I hear people get stuff for doing that.”
NPC: it must have been like going back in time, or through an old scrapbook. What was Joe, or “Twinkie” as you knew him, like back then, and what did you two talk about when you reunited?
Corn Pop: Again I don’t even know this dude, but if he’s that same guy who used to ask kids to rub his legs I kind of remember it. One time I was walking by and told him to cut the shit. He tried to run away on his bicycle, but the chain fell off. He was trying to fix it and said “watch out I have a chain Corn Pop!”. I laughed at him and told him to take his ratched white ass out of the neighborhood. That was the last I heard of him until a limo pulled up out front of my house.
NPC: It must have been exciting when you saw the limo pulling up?
Corn Pop: No I said “get a warrant you wanna talk”. But after a while I figured out they were legit. I’m not supposed to say if I’m getting anything outta this, but I better get my autographed picture of Obama.
NPC: Did you meet the former Vice President after that?
Corn Pop: No. I’d seen that dude in the debates. I wanted Tulsi Gabbard, but let’s face it: The Democratic Party only gonna let an old white dude win. So be it man, if I get that picture I was promised I’m down with Joe.
NPC Daily attempted to reach the former VP for comments, but we received a written statement instead, which is just as good for hard working journalists. “Vice President Biden has been reaching across the aisle and building coalitions for most of the past century. And some of his best friends are black. He thanks Corn Pop and promises to send the picture they discussed when he next sees former President Obama.”
Diversity is our strength. Corn Pop’s bravery is stunning. Orange man bad.
Text Joe 30330 and say something simple.