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Brave liberals eat toilet paper to protest Trumps racist rhetoric

Yes people are sick but our feelings are at stake

It’s no secret that the greatest tragedy to have arisen from the Coronavirus (or Trump virus as we prefer to call it) pandemic is the systemic racism against People of Asian descent (POADs). All across America, POADs have been harassed by the usual suspects. These thugs include your average Trump supporter, cyber-fascists, and even Four Chan himself.

Using these terms should be illegal and offenders should face severe consequences.

Fortunately there are heroes out there to save the day. Daring and defiant liberal and progressive minds have accepted the challenge of tackling this growing hate. Liberals and other progressive minds across the country have began devouring toilet paper as a form of protest against Trump’s racist rhetoric.

We spoke to Marxist arts and crafts Professor Mildred Smith who came up with the idea to eat toilet paper during an afternoon protest at phirs university.

Let’s face it, toilet paper is a symbol of white supremacy. Bigoted capitalists have made toilet paper a rich persyn’s luxury after the hidden healing properties were discovered. By eating toilet paper, I’m destroying capitalist ideals and telling the white patriarchy to f**k off!

  • Professor Mildred Smith (Phe/Phir), Professor of Marxist arts and crafts, Demiqueer polygender, Persyn of Size.

Many of our staff members have fined heavily on toilet paper in support of Professor Smith’s bravery. Journalist Jared Michelle has already made toilet paper a staple in his diet and snacks on a roll each day. I myself enjoy cutting it up into little pieces and mixing it with my cereal. Quinn went a step further and began making toilet paper pizzas using several rolls and then adding crickets and tofu on top for additional flavor. Unfortunately Dustin will not allow her to share the secret recipe.

We hope everyone decides to participate in this truly astounding new form of protest and dines on toilet paper to stop Trump’s racist supporters from attacking POADs. It’s important we remember that racism is the biggest issue we face right now. I for one would much rather catch the Trump virus than hear a slur directed towards an unsuspecting victim of white supremacy.

Diversity is our strength.

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Neville Croft

Neville Percival Croft is a brave, bold and daring reporter for NPC Daily after being laid off from BuzzFeed because of xirs apparently "overtly communist views". Nonetheless, Neville is a unique, freethinking individual that brings lots of cards to the table such as xirs ability to smash the patriarchy in less than 10 minutes and xirs prestigious Gender Studies degree helps xir to critically analyse and report in a completely unbiased fashion. Also, xe is a proud Greysexual Novigender and has a moderate soy latte addiction. Please never assume xirs gender. This entire site is satire.

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