Catching up with Tim Pool: a 4 am interview with the beanie man timself

Tim talks soy, Smollett, and sexuality

YouTuber Tim Pool is widely known for promoting far-right conspiracy theories without evidence, such as the mythical “media bias” and the idea that Orange Man not so bad.

READ: Tim Pool is a DANGEROUS hate agent who needs to be deplatformed

By all rights, he should have been canceled long ago. Yet progressives have developed a most peculiar fixation on Pim Tool (inside joke!), quite possibly because he dresses like a homeless man.

READ: Tim Pool shows up to Social Media Summit at the White House wearing beanie

Which is why we sought him for an EXCLUSIVE interview. He was not difficult to track down — he was sheltering at home.

PIM TOOL: “What? You again? What do you people want from me?”

NEVILLE CROFT: “Just thought I’d stop by for a bit of a chin wag.”

TOOL: “In the middle of a pandemic?”

CROFT: “There are questions remaining to be answered.”

TOOL: “What the hell are you talking about? Do you realize what time it is?”

CROFT:: “My editor found our last interview less than satisfactory.”

TOOL: “What interview? You mean the time you tried to break into my house or when you followed me around with a bullhorn demanding I apologize to Carlos Maza?

CROFT: “READ: It’s time to admit that Tim Pool is a Journophobic bigot who hates free speech

TOOL: “What the hell?!”

CROFT:: “NPC Daily readers have a right to know the truth! Democracy dies in darkness!”

TOOL: “Oh my god… look, for the last time: I had nothing to do with the Smollett hoax, I am biologically male, journalists are not a protected minority group, and I am not interested in taking this “Soy Slurp Challenge” — whatever that is.”

CROFT:: “The Soy Slurp challenge involves consuming five cups of nutritious soy milk per day to stand in solidarity with–“

TOOL: “Don’t care.”

CROFT: “Angry Face.”

TOOL: “Huh?”

CROFT: “Face With Steam From Nose.”

TOOL: “…”

CROFT: “I speak emoji. Face with Monocle.”

TOOL: “Of course you do.”

CROFT: “I am quite fluent, actually. Smirking Face.”

TOOL: “I can’t believe we’re having this conversation. Why am I even talking to you? You couldn’t even wait for the sun to come up?”

CROFT: “Are you suggesting sunbathing on crowded public beaches will cure the coronavirus?”

TOOL: “That’s not what I… What the hell are you anyway?”

CROFT: “A proud greysexual novigender — xe, xir, xirs. Forgive me for not announcing my pronouns sooner.”

TOOL: “No, what I mean is… God, you’re not even human!”

CROFT: “Quit dehumanizing me, you Russian bot!”

TOOL: “For the last time, I am not a Russian asset. And you… you are literally an NPC.”

CROFT: “That’s ‘persyn of grey’ to you, Pim Tool!! Hashtag NAZI! Hashtag HATE SPEECH! Hashtag TRIGGERED! Hashtag TIM MAN BAD!!”

There you have it: Tim Pool is as vile a greycist, anti-journo bigot as ever there was. NPC Daily is now doubling down on zheir efforts to have him deplatformed (and hopefully arrested).

We strongly urge all journalist-identifying individuals and journo allies to follow Tim on Twitter and YouTube to better assist us in monitoring his brazen bigotry. As always, we encourage our readers to report all instances of anti-journo microaggression to the journalist rights advocacy group Journalist Excellence Worldwide.

Readers of NPC Daily,
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Neville Croft

Neville Percival Croft is a brave, bold and daring reporter for NPC Daily after being laid off from BuzzFeed because of xirs apparently "overtly communist views". Nonetheless, Neville is a unique, freethinking individual that brings lots of cards to the table such as xirs ability to smash the patriarchy in less than 10 minutes and xirs prestigious Gender Studies degree helps xir to critically analyse and report in a completely unbiased fashion. Also, xe is a proud Greysexual Novigender and has a moderate soy latte addiction. Please never assume xirs gender. This entire site is satire.

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