by Nigel P. Crustingham, staff writer
“Rules for thee but not for me!!” Brexit’s architect was heard to bellow yesterday afternoon, beating his bare chest in the middle of a public park which for privacy reasons cannot be identified. His face too was likewise bare as he flaunted social distancing guidelines in typical Tory fashion.
Dominic Cummings sightings have risen by several orders of magnitude since Monday’s press conference, where he had been expected to throw himself at the feet of the surrounding mob of OUTRAGED reporters and beg for Labour’s forgiveness — at which point he would have been ordered to promptly resign.
Yet Cummings did not do this, choosing instead to claim without evidence that he had done nothing wrong, despite it being plainly obvious to every journalist in attendance that yes, he had in fact done something wrong — and no, this isn’t about Brexit, thank you very much — then doubling down on his baseless claim by alleging that the media were lying about him breaking social distancing guidelines, even though it is quite clear to every principled Remainer that the exceptional circumstances clause allowing for sick parents to leave small children in the care of relatives does not apply to racist Brexiteers like Dominic Cummings.
Dominic Cummings is the scum of the Europeanunionverse and should ABSOLUTELY be forced to resign.
I for one intend to set aside a minimum of four hours each day (preferably after tea) in which to #BooForBoris until he does.
Really need a soy latte.