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Cardi B establishes second autonomous zone, ousts Washington governor Jay Inslee

Cardi B has officially entered politics

OLYMPIA, WASHINGTON. Several city blocks fell to armed #BlackLivesMatter protestors late Thursday evening, giving rise to what now marks Washington State’s second autonomous region, fully independent of any outside government forces (except in cases of emergency).

Yet unlike the peaceful protesters who established Seattle’s Capitol Hill Autonomous Zone (CHAZ), the present occupants of the State Capital Campus have proven better armed, better organized, and better dressed.

Garbed in designer pullover hoodies and flaunting bling from the BardiGang™ collection, the significantly more diverse founders of the State Kapitol Independent Zone (SKIZ) wasted no time establishing clear yet intangible borders by tagging every building on the outskirts of Olympia’s political district with the name of their new leader.

The above image appeared on SKIZ’s Instagram page the next morning, accompanied by the following statement:

“This be Cardi territory now, fool. Fuck you skinny-armed, soy-guzzling ‘anti-fascists’, fuck Trump, and fuck white people in general. #BlackLivesMatter #GovernorCardi”

Minutes later, Cardi B herself tweeted out a video of Governor Jay Inslee kneeling at her feet, kissing her boots (part of the Fashion Nova X Cardi B Signature Collection) in formal surrender. Cardi makes a brief yet indecipherable statement before kicking the now-deposed governor in the head.

The video has since been taken down for graphic depiction of violence against Democrats.

Cardi B expressed interest in entering politics earlier this year, though she was met with sharp criticism and mockery by Twitter users who apparently questioned the rapper’s intelligence — most notably Mindy Robinson, whose bigotry against the progressive left has been thoroughly documented by NPC Daily.

We will be following this story closely, so check back for further developments.

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Staff Writer

One of our wage slave writers contracted with NPC Daily. Repeat after me - orange man bad. Everything on this site is satire.

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