Self-identified “black man” and unrepentant capitalist Hotep Jesus has quit Twitter after achieving his apparent goal of blocking every last user on the platform.
The final block was awarded to friend and fellow YouTuber Uncle Hotep, with whom he frequently livestreams.
“He @ed me with a photoshopped image of his head on Rocky Baloba’s body, and the next thing I knew, I was blocked. I’m real proud of him. Ten years he’s been at this. He never let up, never quit, no matter how many new users have registered.”
- Uncle Hotep (pronouns unavailable)
Yet other, more culturally significant members of the POC community have taken a less-than-charitable view of Hotep Jesus’s antics.
“Good riddance!” says Dustin Levitt of Journalist Excellence World, whose dedication to the Biden 2020 presidential campaign has made him a prominent voice on Black Twitter.
“We never wanted Hotep Jesus on Twitter to begin with. I don’t know where he gets off talking about issues that affect African Americans, because he isn’t an authorized member of our community.”
- Dustin Levitt (he/him)
Mx. Levitt has been a vocal critic of Mx. Jesus, effectively dubbing him “Candace Owens, but for black people”. His chief concern lies with the threat commentators of color pose to our democratic institutions — namely the Democratic party, which has been providing gentle, paternalistic guidance to racial minorities since its founding in 1828.
“People like Hotep Jesus spread hateful rhetoric and misleading information that can be confusing to African Americans,” Mx. Levitt explains. “They’re liable to look at the color of his skin and mistake him for one of their own.”
“That’s what we call racism,” he adds.
“The African-American vote doesn’t need to concern itself with anything Joe Biden may have said or done. We just need it to show up to the polls — on time — and vote.”
What does the future hold for Hotep Jesus?
NPC Daily attempted to reach out to Mx. Jesus directly, only to remember that we’d been blocked along with the rest of the Twitterverse. So we consulted our legal analyst Lawyer Andy Kuntz, who assured us that plans to take down his YouTube channel were already underway.
“Susan and I recently became aware of some rather problematic associations on the part of this ‘Hotep Jesus’ — which is just an alias, by the way — his real name is Bryan Sharpe.”
Who exactly are these “problematic” associations?
“It seems Sharpe — and I hesitate to refer to him by his criminal alias because that isn’t what I’m putting in the lawsuit — it seems Sharpe has been giving platform to alt-right-adjacent hate figures such as Scott Adams, An0maly, and that comic book guy who doesn’t believe in roads.”
“Susan and I won’t stand for that. Especially not the guy who wants to get rid of roads — which is more than likely some sort of Antisemitic code.”
Mx. Kuntz notes that such interactions with ideological extremists have not been limited to YouTube, pointing to Mx. Jesus’s recent Twitter follow of his Soy counterpart, Tim Pool-adjacent cyberbully Adam Crigler.
“Susan and I won’t stand for that either. Once we’ve finished with Sharpe, I think we’ll #CancelCrigler.”
NPC Daily fully recognizes the existential threat a cognizant electorate would pose to the party of Andrew Jackson, which is why we applaud the silencing of unauthorized black people. We wish Lawyer Andy the best of luck in his litigation against any and all Jesuses and explicitly condemn the hordes of right-wing anarchists who have gathered in our streets to tear up the pavement.
We shouldn’t have to remind you people — people like Hotep Jesus and Eric July — that these roads are public property.
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