Governor Gretchen Whitmer extends lockdown for white people only

“Stay in your houses until after the election if you’re white, or you’ll be arrested.” Proclaims woke Governor

Everyone loves Gretchen Whitmer. Who doesn’t enjoy listening to her voice? We all know she would be qualified to be Vice President but for her skin color. Her bold actions keep Michiganders safe. And she is not afraid to take on the big safety issues, like balancing the safety concerns of people of color with the “constitutional rights” that Trump supporters are always whining about.

Today, the Michigan Governor insured the safety of all by ordering non essential white people to stay in their homes until after the Presidential election. “Essential white people” are Members of the Governor’s First Family. “You white people will stay in your houses because I say so.” explained Her Excellency. “If you are good I’ll think about letting you mow your lawns if you are wearing a face mask and supervised by a person of color. Otherwise you can shelter in place. Violators will be arrested if they are white and not my husband.”

Republicans cause problems, strong socialist leaders provide solutions.

Pepe Johnson

Robert ("Pepe") Johnson is a Gen YZ freelance social justice facilitator. A graduate of Palo Alto State with a major in Mime, with a concentration in Walking Against the Wind, with post-graduate online certificates of knowledge in Non-Binary Gender Studies and 21st Century Bathroom Planning, "Pepe" has performed as a nude mime and human statue, as well as a professional protestor. "Pepe" is a nickname, but he has been called that since childhood, not for current political gain or to seem more Mexican. This entire site is satire.
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