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Brave white progressives donate their own organs to Black Lives Matter

"It's time to stop being selfish with our white organs"

We all know black lives matter more than white lives. Brave socialist progressives chastise white people 24/7 for being white through television commercials, peaceful protests, and yelling at the “no mask crowd” to shame them. Some cutting edge progressives have launched a new campaign to punish privileged white people, while simultaneously giving something real to the Black Lives Matter Party: they are donating their own organs to Black Lives Matter, while the donors are still alive!

“I have felt bad about being a middle class white kid since graduating with an honors degree in Gender Spectrum Studies from Cal State-Irvine in 2016. I’ve marched, I’ve burned stuff, I’ve shoved people in the park or at the store who aren’t social distancing, but ‘something deep inside me’ told me I could do much more. And it turned out that ‘something deep inside me’ was my kidney. So I researched kidney donations on my laptop at Starbucks. I was aghast to learn that white people have two kidneys each, which is typical of the excesses that they enjoy. It was time to give back, to pay for slavery and all.” explained Ned Pearson-Choade, a pansexual persyn of white.

“So I called to find out what front line medical workers had time to help. I started with facilities who had received stimulus money from Speaker Pelosi; I settled on my local Planned Parenthood, based on their organ harvesting experience. At first they were a little salesy, wanting to make sure I didn’t need or want an abortion. Abortion-wise, we settled on a Planned Parenthood abortion gift card, which they told me I could give to a person of color.”

“Next they said, ‘sure we’ll take out a kidney, but we get to sell those on the open market.’ Of course, I offered to buy my own organ from them, so Planned Parenthood would get the research money they deserved. They promised to try to get my kidney into a black person as they counted the stack of hundreds I gave them, so I said let’s do this. They discharged me that same afternoon, as a line of people, many of color, were lining up for free abortions and they needed the couch in the recovery room.”

It is hard for one’s eyes not to well up when hearing stories this stunning and brave. Diversity is our strength. Orange man bad.

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Pepe Johnson

Robert ("Pepe") Johnson is a Gen YZ freelance social justice facilitator. A graduate of Palo Alto State with a major in Mime, with a concentration in Walking Against the Wind, with post-graduate online certificates of knowledge in Non-Binary Gender Studies and 21st Century Bathroom Planning, "Pepe" has performed as a nude mime and human statue, as well as a professional protestor. "Pepe" is a nickname, but he has been called that since childhood, not for current political gain or to seem more Mexican. This entire site is satire.

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