Campus NewsCulture

Yale declares campuses “Autonomous Safe Spaces” following meritless DOJ accusation

Systemic Antiracism isn't racism

The United States Department of Justice (an oxymoron if there ever was one) has levied a meritless, hasty accusation against Yale University, claiming without evidence that the progressive institution of higher learning “illegally” discriminates against white people and Asians (the other white people).

“Yale’s race discrimination imposes undue and unlawful penalties on racially-disfavored applicants,” some white male who works for the DOJ said in a letter addressed to another white male on Thursday.

The recipient clapped back on Twitter, calling that first white male a “bootlicking bigot” and demanding the Department of Justice be abolished. He then went on to declare Yale yet another autonomous zone.

Yassistanis welcome American refugees into the newly-formed Yale Autonomous Safe Space

Higher education has long been plagued by systemic racism, which the racially-conscious white people in charge of admissions have sought to remedy with systemic Antiracism. But white supremacists and Asians (the other white supremacists) are not making it easy.

NPC Daily reporter Tina Pool recently spoke with the white male in charge of Harvard admissions, who explained how African-American students are institutionally disadvantaged by the very existence of whites — particularly the other kind:

“…those goddamned Orientals. Too many of those s*****-eyed bastards here already, making the n****** look bad with their high test scores. That’s systemic racism, and we don’t tolerate that at Harvard. Black Lives Matter.”

  • William R. Fitzsimmons, white male Dean of Admissions for Harvard University

READ: Harvard sues immigration authorities over Harvard’s decision to cancel classes

NPC Daily reached out to that white male for comment, only to be informed by his domestic partner (a femxle-identifying individual who uses femxle pronouns) that he was out firebombing minority-owned businesses to protest racial injustice. Harvard history professor Dr. David Duke was reportedly in his company.

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Staff Writer

One of our wage slave writers contracted with NPC Daily. Repeat after me - orange man bad. Everything on this site is satire.

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