Trump Pardons Dorothy Gale for 1939 Murder

Despite a confession and overwhelming evidence, Trump expunges Dorothy's Manslaughter conviction

America is still recoiling in horror from Trump’s most recent effort to rewrite history with the pardon of Susan B. Anthony. Before we even had time to obtain mental health counselling for that hateful act, the bigot in chief has pulled his pardon pen out of his drawer yet again, this time pardoning Dorothy Gale of Kansas for the brutal 1939 murder of the Wicked Witch of the East. Gale, who admitted dropping her house on the East Witch, even stole the victim’s ruby red slippers at the ghastly crime scene.

Without blinking an eye, Trump condoned Gale’s criminal conduct by pardoning her. “It’s long overdue. They said no one could do it. But I did it. It’s a great pardon, maybe the greatest ever. Ms. Gale can get on with her life with her dog Toto, Auntie Em and the rest of her family in Kansas. I love ranchers.” explained Trump matter-of-factly.

The victim’s family spokesperson, the Wicked Witch of the West, took to her broomstick and wrote in the sky “Orange Man Bad”. “I can’t even …” sobbed the Witch. Victims rights’ advocates and leading Democratic Socialists expressed outrage. “We will have a hearing that lasts to infinity about this. We have solid evidence Putin put him up to this.” explained Congressperson Adam Schiff (D-CA). “He did this to ruin the post office, and we have to make sure the dead witch’s vote is not suppressed.” said Speaker Nancy Pelosi (D-CA). “Ding dong the witch is like ice cream, never mind.” added Vice President Biden.

It’s getting harder to watch the news with Trump pardoning convicted ghouls like Susan B. Anthony and Dorothy Gale. NPC Daily will keep those brave enough to read up to date. We are front-line journalists, and that’s our job.

Diversity is our strength. Orange Man Bad.

Pepe Johnson

Robert ("Pepe") Johnson is a Gen YZ freelance social justice facilitator. A graduate of Palo Alto State with a major in Mime, with a concentration in Walking Against the Wind, with post-graduate online certificates of knowledge in Non-Binary Gender Studies and 21st Century Bathroom Planning, "Pepe" has performed as a nude mime and human statue, as well as a professional protestor. "Pepe" is a nickname, but he has been called that since childhood, not for current political gain or to seem more Mexican. This entire site is satire.
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