Ask Neville

“Is the way to #resist racism with more racism?” – Ask Neville

Dear Neville,

My elderly grandmother recently told me that the way to #resist racism is not with more racism. I wasn’t entirely sure how to respond to that, so I sprayed her in the eyes with bear mace and called her a Nazi.

Now I feel kind of bad because my mom had to drive her to the hospital where they both caught COVID.

Moving forward, how can I counter such a statement with words so as to avoid any further assault charges?

~ Anticash Jordan ☭

Dear Anticash,

You have zero reason to feel guilty because your grandmother was clearly in the wrong.

Racism, you see, is like wealth; there exists a fixed quantity, and it’s merely a question of how it gets distributed.

This is not to suggest that your grandmother is a bigot — perhaps she is simply suffering from the onset of dementia. Either way, I suggest you put her in a home. I hear there are some rather lovely ones in New York.

To avoid future assault charges, I strongly suggest moving to a Democrat-controlled city.



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Neville Croft

Neville Percival Croft is a brave, bold and daring reporter for NPC Daily after being laid off from BuzzFeed because of xirs apparently "overtly communist views". Nonetheless, Neville is a unique, freethinking individual that brings lots of cards to the table such as xirs ability to smash the patriarchy in less than 10 minutes and xirs prestigious Gender Studies degree helps xir to critically analyse and report in a completely unbiased fashion. Also, xe is a proud Greysexual Novigender and has a moderate soy latte addiction. Please never assume xirs gender. This entire site is satire.

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