California Governor Gavin Newsom bans exodus and other forms of fleeing the state

Bigots trying to flee cite 10 Plagues as Reason

It goes without saying that California has always led the way when it comes to quality of life. Woke leadership makes California the cleanest, safest place to live. The state is currently safely locked down, except for peaceful protestors, people of color, felons, registered sex offenders and Democratic Party officials, all of whom are exempt from the lockdown orders. That’s what science says. Despite the brave leadership of Governor Gavin Newsome, millions of malcontents have fled the state in the past few months, whining that California’s state tax rate (merely 23%) is the highest in the country like that’s a bad thing. The quitters also complain that their cities and towns are on fire, that they can’t go to work, that the peaceful protestors are burning businesses, the complaining just goes on and on.

At first blush, you might think, “good riddance!”. But Governor Newsome explained to NPC Daily why the state must not allow these bellyachers to run like cowards from the Sunshine State. “The ones that are trying to escape are the ones we get all the tax money from. We can’t have this. Look, if you want me to spend billions of dollars we don’t have, and cripple agriculture here to save a rare tree newt, some one’s got to pay for that shit.” analyzed the governor. “These ‘runners’ who are trying to escape pay for all our programs. Look out your window at the homeless junkies picking through your trash, who is going to pay for their new needles if no one pays taxes? Or maybe you don’t think the homeless are worth helping? Shame!”

Needless to say, Trump supporters have led the charge to leave California, probably just to stir up trouble. “Let us go. We have suffered from plagues: fires, pestilence, drought, you name it.” Governor Newsome is too smart to let them leave though. Fear not Californians, Governor Newsome has a plan. “They can leave when their money is all gone.” declared Governor Newsome, striking a middle ground for everyone.

Orange man bad. Diversity is our strength. California Dreaming.

Pepe Johnson

Robert ("Pepe") Johnson is a Gen YZ freelance social justice facilitator. A graduate of Palo Alto State with a major in Mime, with a concentration in Walking Against the Wind, with post-graduate online certificates of knowledge in Non-Binary Gender Studies and 21st Century Bathroom Planning, "Pepe" has performed as a nude mime and human statue, as well as a professional protestor. "Pepe" is a nickname, but he has been called that since childhood, not for current political gain or to seem more Mexican. This entire site is satire.
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