Undercover investigation reveals hostile work environment for U.S. Navy SEALs

Toxic masculinity runs rampant throughout the armed forces

The United States Navy SEALs is quite arguably the most racist, xenophobic, racist, ageist, ableistic, cisheteronormative, patriarchial branch of the U.S. Army. Never once have they admitted any womxyzn or alternatively-gendered individuals into their ranks, and institutional racism, xenophobia, racism, ageism, ableism, transphobia, homophobia, and misogyny illegally prevent the average progressive activist/journalist from even applying.

When NPC Daily sent senior reporter Neville Percival Croft to xir local Naval base (in Naples, Italy) to enlist as part of an undercover investigation, xe was told xe was “by far the most ineligible applicant we’ve had to date”.

“It was a deeply humiliating experience,” Mx. Croft told NPC Daily, “to be slapped in the face with standards so unreasonably high that the only requirement I (allegedly) met was the age range”.

“They told me I was too nearsighted, too British, and that they had never even heard of my gender identity and sexuality. Every one of those treacherous Yanks deserves to be court-martialed.”

  • Neville Percival Croft, greysexual novigender Pommy reporter

After starting a GoFundMe to raise money for the long trip home, Neville took to Twitter to air xir grievances and threaten the U.S. Navy with cancellation. As a result of xir brave activism, the Navy SEALs will now endure a slightly less toxic working environment.

NPC Daily applauds our star reporter for xir diversity of tactics and xir “by any means necessary” attitude. The Navy SEALs are now one step closer to achieving legally-mandated diversity quotas. The future looks bright.

EDITOR’S NOTE: God damn it…

Staff Writer

One of our wage slave writers contracted with NPC Daily. Repeat after me - orange man bad. Everything on this site is satire.
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