California Governor Gavin Newsom Bans Flushing Toilets

"We don't have enough water to flush because of Trump", says Governor

It goes without saying that California leads the way on just about everything. Today Governor Gavin Newsome announced the latest woke effort to manage natural resources: Californians will only be allowed one flush of a toilet per household, per week. “If it’s yellow let it mellow.” explained Governor Gavin Newsome, a woke icon.

“Effective immediately, all Californians will be allowed one weekly flush. If your flush comes when your power is out, we don’t want to hear about it, you miss a week. Suck it up people, climate change is an existential threat. If you don’t like it we will cut your water off altogether. This is the new normal. We are all in this together. So chip in and take a crap on the street like our growing homeless population does every day; you’re not too good for that. Plus it’s all Trump’s fault, the same as the fires and droughts.” continued Newsome.

Obvious exceptions to this ban are people of color, registered sex offenders, felons, and Democratic Socialist Party officials.

Californians met the new order with wild enthusiasm, according to several approved main stream media journalists. Orange man bad. Diversity is our strength.

Readers of NPC Daily,
If a small amount of our regular readers became subscribers on Subscribestar, we'd have enough funding to no longer be dependent on annoying Google ads cluttering your reading space and we will be protected against deplatforming. Will you subscribe on Subscribestar?
Support NPC Daily
Get NPC Daily straight to your inbox

Pepe Johnson

Robert ("Pepe") Johnson is a Gen YZ freelance social justice facilitator. A graduate of Palo Alto State with a major in Mime, with a concentration in Walking Against the Wind, with post-graduate online certificates of knowledge in Non-Binary Gender Studies and 21st Century Bathroom Planning, "Pepe" has performed as a nude mime and human statue, as well as a professional protestor. "Pepe" is a nickname, but he has been called that since childhood, not for current political gain or to seem more Mexican. This entire site is satire.

Related Articles

Back to top button