World Events

Pope pardons Biden family for lifetimes of sins

“Generous Indulgence Fees” cited as motivation for cash-strapped Vatican

If there’s one thing Democrats all do when they’ve been wronged, it’s “turn the other cheek”. For decades, Joe Biden amassed an enormous list of accomplishments while serving as a senator for 50 years. Nonetheless he was denied communion in the Catholic Church, because for some reason the Church forbade abortions of babies. No Malarkey Joe was undeterred in supporting the abortions of 40 million babies. “You’re welcome!” said Mr. Biden with his signature smile.

We all know Joe Biden’s character, he never asks for anything for himself. So it came as a bit of a surprise to Pope-watchers when the current, totally woke socialist pope announced a list of papal “indulgences” for the entire Biden family. Indulgences are a way for the Catholic Church to wipe out parishioners‘ sins or other problems for a modest fee.

“Look the COVID hit us hard too. So we are looking at some “best practices” to increase attendance and revenues. Last week we welcomed the gays, told ‘em go on ahead and get married, but get to Mass with cash asap.” explained an insider.

“You have to pay for each indulgence separately, one sin, one fee. It’s a la carte forgiveness, if you will. We looked at the Bidens, sin wise, as a target-rich organization. So our people talked with their people, and we made a deal. Don’t listen to Trump when he says Joe can’t negotiate, either. He insisted on us giving Hunter Biden a ‘two-fer’ for sleeping with his brother’s widow, as well as getting a foot job from his niece while smoking crack. Your average Joe doesn’t get all that washed away for one indulgence fee”. winked the insider.

“I never received one American cent from any Pope!” read Mr Biden carefully. “Thats Russian something. We can’t have George for four more years. More masks and PPP. On my word as a Biden”.

Terms of the deal are sealed at this time. The main stream media has been instructed to ignore this. Orange man bad.

This is a battle for the soul of the nation.

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Pepe Johnson

Robert ("Pepe") Johnson is a Gen YZ freelance social justice facilitator. A graduate of Palo Alto State with a major in Mime, with a concentration in Walking Against the Wind, with post-graduate online certificates of knowledge in Non-Binary Gender Studies and 21st Century Bathroom Planning, "Pepe" has performed as a nude mime and human statue, as well as a professional protestor. "Pepe" is a nickname, but he has been called that since childhood, not for current political gain or to seem more Mexican. This entire site is satire.

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