Politics

Joe Biden’s basement named national historic place

No presidential candidate in history has spent so much time in one place

Whom amongst hasn’t marvelled at Joe Biden’s bravery during this presidential campaign. Each day our confidence in his razor-sharp ability to lead America grows stronger, especially when we learn he is spending another day in his basement. A handful of right-wing bigots (who don’t wear masks or social distance) have criticized this technique as “cowardly” or called him “Hidin Biden” and other racist names.

While Trump continues to trick supporters into attending massive rallies without masks, Joe Biden doesn’t get pulled that kind of malarkey. That way when Joe comes out of his basement, it is for something important so that we all pay attention. This way, he can also avoid fueling Trump and Putin’s plot to smear him with so-called evidence of Joe’s business dealings with China and the Ukraine. Little does the bad orange man know, but most people will vote blue no matter who. No one cares about whatever’s on that laptop because orange man bad.

So you will all be excited to learn that Joe Biden’s basement has been added to the National Registry of Historic Places. It will not be open until after a cure for the Trump Virus is discovered, which will happen in 2028. Don’t worry, everyone will still be required to wear masks during this solemn tour. Once the basement is opened to the public, visitors can see the desk where Joe has socially distanced himself from all Americans to be safe. Visitors will be able to read a few lines from Joe’s teleprompter, play ethnic music on his flip phone, and interact with a very realistic looking ventriloquist dummy that will recite some of Joe Biden’s historic speeches from all of his presidential campaign runs.

It gets even better: proceeds from the modest visitor fees will go directly to the Hunter Biden Foundation, which pays off paternity claims, gambling and drug debts, and other miscellaneous fees that Hunter Biden incurs after he lost all of his jobs because of Trump. Visitors will be doing something good for someone else, which has been a big part of the Biden legacy.

Wear your mask, even if you are alone.

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Pepe Johnson

Robert ("Pepe") Johnson is a Gen YZ freelance social justice facilitator. A graduate of Palo Alto State with a major in Mime, with a concentration in Walking Against the Wind, with post-graduate online certificates of knowledge in Non-Binary Gender Studies and 21st Century Bathroom Planning, "Pepe" has performed as a nude mime and human statue, as well as a professional protestor. "Pepe" is a nickname, but he has been called that since childhood, not for current political gain or to seem more Mexican. This entire site is satire.

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