Let’s face it: we can all use some good news, no matter where it comes from. Today, the usually shy hero known as “Bigfoot” to many made the unusual step of holding a press conference near his home cave in the Pacific Northwest to announce that he will endorse Joe Biden for president!
NPC Daily caught up to Bigfoot for comments:
NPC Daily: May we ask your personal pronouns?
Bigfoot: thanks for not presuming. He/him.
NPC Daily: Thank you. Please tell us how you came to your decision?
Bigfoot: No problem. Thanks for having me. When I saw Joe getting endorsed by Beto O’Rourke it was important, but the real “aha moment” for me was when I watched Joe telling us ‘We are one nation …. c’mon man, you know the rest.’ I noticed how he was big enough to admit that he forgot the pledge of allegiance. You ever see Trump admit he forgot the words to the pledge of allegiance? I thought so!”
NPC Daily: That was stunning and brave for him to do. I think that really resonated with a lot of voters, especially ones who forget things. Anything else?
Bigfoot: Well, on a personal level, Joe and I are about the same age. We are also both hands-on leaders. I also love the smell of human hair.
NPC Daily: That is touching. Thank you for sharing.
Bigfoot: No problem. Another thing is I’m going to score a good job in immigration if Joe wins. I’ll be in charge of keeping the northern border open to all hikers. He will announce that. He said it on his word as a Biden.
NPC Daily: Well, finally some common sense immigration policy!
Bigfoot: Yes, I am looking forward to it. I’m close to getting my cousin the Yeti to get on board too, but that’s about a week away. He is also a sasquatch of color.
We are literally shaking at this news. This should sew up Montana for Joe Biden. Diversity is our strength. Vote blue no matter who. And as always, orange man bad.