Joe Biden orders gas prices to be $9 per gallon on day one

"The rest of the world already pays that much"

The number of stunning and brave initiatives Joe Biden and VP-elect Kamala Harris will accomplish on “Day One” keeps growing. Today, the President-Elect announced that gas prices will be raised to $9 per gallon on day one. “Cheap gas makes for the pollution stuff. If it’s expensive no will drive. And don’t give me that look you fat bastard.” Explained Mr.Biden.

Progressive socialists applauded the presidential-elect fiat: “we don’t have cars or jobs so f—k everyone else.” shared Nadia P Chaste, a community organizer. “Everyone who wants cheap gas sucks.” Echoed “Jen”, who identifies as a plus sized female.

“Just stay inside for four years, we must heal as a soul of a thing. We will tell you when to come outside. Look, everyone who has ever lost a loved one knows Trump killed them. We can DO this. “

People who still try to buy gas despite this reasonable plan will need to show that they have had a negative Trump virus test in the last 24 hours and that they have been microchipped with a
Government approved contact tracing device.

It’s hard to believe how well this is turning out! Diversity is our strength. Orange man bad. Gasoline bad.

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Pepe Johnson

Robert ("Pepe") Johnson is a Gen YZ freelance social justice facilitator. A graduate of Palo Alto State with a major in Mime, with a concentration in Walking Against the Wind, with post-graduate online certificates of knowledge in Non-Binary Gender Studies and 21st Century Bathroom Planning, "Pepe" has performed as a nude mime and human statue, as well as a professional protestor. "Pepe" is a nickname, but he has been called that since childhood, not for current political gain or to seem more Mexican. This entire site is satire.

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