Biden

Ronald Reagan posthumously voted for Joe Biden

Stand aside Trump supporters, there's a new silent majority

There have been all sorts of falsehoods and inaccuracies circulating around the internet and beyond in light of the recent election. As we all know, Russia stole the 2016 election and now Trump is trying to steal this one from Joe Biden by making many heinously false allegations. One of these claims is that dead people voted. Now bear with me, this one is actually true. But why should we care? Many of these deceased made it their dying wish to vote for Joe Biden, my great great grandfather included. Another such individual, believe it or not, is deceased President Ronald Reagan.

A life long Republican, it has been revealed by anonymous sources that Reagan did indeed vote for our hero Joe Biden this election! I for one am shaking with joy that in death Reagan acknowledged the error of his ways and posthumously atoned for his sin of being on the wrong side and corrected his vote!

The dead were ridin’ with Biden from the grave this election!

Our anonymous source who counted the ballots on election night had this to say:

“It’s a crime not to let the dead vote. If anything they deserve it after their dedication to our nation in life. Seeing all these amazing people who died 5,30,maybe even 50 or 60 years ago coming out from behind the grave to join the battle for the soul of our nation made me so happy I almost spilled my soyshake all over my Biden2020 mask. Counting Reagan’s mail in ballot was a joy to behold. If Ronald Reagan could turn a new leaf after death then so could my grandma who died 10 years ago. She also voted Biden funnily enough. Heck I didn’t even need to inspect the ballots at that point, I knew they were all for Biden anyway!”

  • Anonymous source

Letting our deceased relatives vote is something only an ageist bigot would oppose. In other words your average Republican. My advice is to have journalist approved psychics at each and every graveyard where they commune with the dead and fill in their mail in ballots for them. This year all the deceased vote went to Biden and this is something to celebrate.

Stand aside Trump supporters, there’s a new silent majority on the block.

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Neville Croft

Neville Percival Croft is a brave, bold and daring reporter for NPC Daily after being laid off from BuzzFeed because of xirs apparently "overtly communist views". Nonetheless, Neville is a unique, freethinking individual that brings lots of cards to the table such as xirs ability to smash the patriarchy in less than 10 minutes and xirs prestigious Gender Studies degree helps xir to critically analyse and report in a completely unbiased fashion. Also, xe is a proud Greysexual Novigender and has a moderate soy latte addiction. Please never assume xirs gender. This entire site is satire.

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