World Events

Pope names Governor Cuomo as the next Catholic Saint

Governor Andrew Cuomo to be named Patron Saint of nursing home patients

In a long overdue move, Pope Francis has named Governor Andrew Cuomo a Saint. His saint name will be “Saint COVID”, and he will immediately be the patron saint of nursing home patients, in recognition of his Herculean efforts to ensure that all elderly New Yorkers would have access to life saving ventilators, despite Trump claims that the move might kill all of them. As usual, Trump’s bigotry was exaggerated, as only a little over half of the involuntary nursing home patients actually died.

“Saint COVID’s efforts to get old people who were not even sick yet onto nursing home ventilators was stunning and brave. It takes a brave leader to order patients into nursing homes without knowing what would happen. Only about half of these patients actually died from this move, and all of them voted for Joe Biden shortly after they died. This was a win-win any way you look at it.” explained an insider on the Progressive Saints Search Committee.

Diversity is our strength. Orange man bad.

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Pepe Johnson

Robert ("Pepe") Johnson is a Gen YZ freelance social justice facilitator. A graduate of Palo Alto State with a major in Mime, with a concentration in Walking Against the Wind, with post-graduate online certificates of knowledge in Non-Binary Gender Studies and 21st Century Bathroom Planning, "Pepe" has performed as a nude mime and human statue, as well as a professional protestor. "Pepe" is a nickname, but he has been called that since childhood, not for current political gain or to seem more Mexican. This entire site is satire.

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