Joe Biden appoints Siri to the Supreme Court

Progressive legal experts and feminist robots applaud the move

Joe Biden’s razor sharp mind has made all Americans feel confident and safe for nearly a century. Faced with the prospect of appointing cabinet members and other high level government positions, Mr. Biden has pledged to appoint only transgender persyns of color, regardless of “experience” or merit.

When it comes to the Supreme Court though, Mr. Biden had to painstakingly review the qualifications of the most brilliant legal minds in America. Today he announced (while wearing a mask and socially distanced from an enthusiastic crowd) that he will nominate “Siri” , the virtual assistant extraordinaire to the Supreme Court.

“Go ahead and ask her a question, you can’t stump her!” explained Joe Biden, holding his wristwatch toward a sea of journalists. “Siri, what is the first line of the pledge thing?” asked Biden. Siri responded without blinking an eye, “I think you may mean the American Pledge of Allegiance. We have gone over this before. The first line is ‘I pledge allegiance, to the flag, of the United States of America.” recited Siri, speaking through Mr. Biden’s watch.

“See, you try. No I mean it, on my word as a Biden”. The appointment of Siri will now even up the Supreme Court at 5-5. All reporters cheered wildly at the news. One bigot, however, raised his hand, “Mr. Biden, don’t you need an odd number of justices so their votes will always result in a majority?”. Mr. Biden showed why he is a giant in diplomacy, “Hey fat, don’t you need a punch in the face? 5 to 5 is a majority, the machine just adjusts the results you stupid bastard”. Case closed.

Diversity is our strength. Orange man bad.

Pepe Johnson

Robert ("Pepe") Johnson is a Gen YZ freelance social justice facilitator. A graduate of Palo Alto State with a major in Mime, with a concentration in Walking Against the Wind, with post-graduate online certificates of knowledge in Non-Binary Gender Studies and 21st Century Bathroom Planning, "Pepe" has performed as a nude mime and human statue, as well as a professional protestor. "Pepe" is a nickname, but he has been called that since childhood, not for current political gain or to seem more Mexican. This entire site is satire.
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