Joe Biden declared rightful winner of 2008 and 2012 presidential elections

Obama facing accusations of stolen presidential valor

President-Elect Joe Biden has been retroactively declared winner of the 2008 and 2012 U.S. presidential elections.

While both victories were originally called for Mx. Biden’s running mate (one Barack Hussein Obama), New York Times historians have since determined that it was in fact for Biden the voters had turned out in what were previously record numbers — a phenomenon that is now being referred to as “the Obama Mirage“.

In a statement to the Associated Press that was picked up and amplified by approved journalisming outlets across the globe, the team responsible for the Pulitzer-winning 1619 Project praised the President Elect as “the most popular and least corrupt candidate in U.S. history”.

“Look, to be completely fair, the Obama quote unquote ‘presidency’ was plagued by scandal,” Journalist Excellence Worldwide founder Dustin Levitt told NPC Daily. “There weren’t any JLGBTQIAP+ members in his cabinet, he routinely offended cat people with those photo ops of his mutt, and the disparaging manner in which he has continued to treat Joe Biden quite frankly warrants some kind of investigation.”

“The Biden Administration is already on track to be the most JLGBTQIAPplus-inclusive administration in U.S. history, particularly heavy on the ‘J’. On top of that, he just went and adopted a cat that identifies as a dog. How’s that for inclusion?”

“History is fluid — like gender,” says NPC Daily legal analyst Lawyer Andy Kuntz. “We’re confident Biden’s status as the 44th, 44th-and-a-half, and 46th President of the United States can withstand any legal challenge.”

Mx. Kuntz declined to comment on rumors that President Biden may have also been the rightful winner of the 1988 presidential election, stating only that Team Biden was considering their legal options.

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Staff Writer

One of our wage slave writers contracted with NPC Daily. Repeat after me - orange man bad. Everything on this site is satire.

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