As our country continues to break the very fabric of reality with the milestones made in pursuit of a more progressive version of ‘representation’, some age-old traditions are not exempt from the sweeping new age.
Starting in 1965, the candy desk has historically been a fun and humanizing part of congressional precedings,
“In 1965, California’s George Murphy joined the Senate, and kept candy in his desk to offer his colleagues, and for himself, though eating is not allowed on the Senate floor. When he left the Senate after a six-year term, other Republican senators maintained the custom. The nascent tradition did not become publicly known until the mid-1980s, when Washington Senator Slade Gorton disclosed it in announcing that he would be sitting at the candy desk.”
- Wikipedia (https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Candy_Desk for hyperlink to Wikipedia)
Typically, this candy desk has not needed security nor accountability as the honor system was in play.
Enter: President Donald J. Trump
After losing almost hundreds of court cases in an attempt to circumvent an honest and true election for the purpose of securing his legacy as the first dictator of the United States, President Trump has found that many GOP members are not so comfortable with violating the constitution and well-being of Americans everywhere.
According to sources familiar with congress, there are allegations of an event transpiring shortly before the convening of congress to certify President-elect Joe Biden.
“Congressional security have reported that President Trump arrived at the doors to the chambers and challenged their authority to keep them out. During this attempt, Senator Ted Cruz snuck around behind them and opened the doors – causing a furry of confusion and action,” reports our unnamed source, “President Trump took this opportunity to slink into the chambers and made a straight line to the candy desk.”
Having heard from additional unnamed sources, we’ve been painted a picture of a sweaty and flustered President hurriedly opening the candy desk and squating into it.
What happened next shocked everyone,
“It sounded like a high caliber machine gun. Many of us wrestling near the doors were actually visibly shocked by the noise. It was wet and it sounded… solid,” reports yet another unnamed source.
According to sources familiar with the alleged situation, Congressional security rushed to pull Trump, who had fallen into the box, out and remove him from the chambers.
But the damage was done.
In an attempt to cover the situation, President Trump ordered all present to not say a word.
As if this wasn’t enough, we are receiving reports that President Trump waited outside the chambers for members to enter and encouraged all of them to take a piece of candy.
No longer will the President hurt this country – now he’s gone as far to affect the health of our representatives and the very fabric of tradition itself.
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