Biden issues executive order declaring Wall Street “America’s Heartland”

Hedge fund managers to be designated "guardians of American exceptionalism"

If there is one thing to be said of the Wall Street aristocracy, it is that they truly care about the little guy. Whether they are sending our children to college to study gender and racial science or sending some regular Joe from Scranton to the White House to represent the working class, we can rest assured that they always have our best interests at heart.

Which is why the Biden Administration has opted to relocate America’s Heartland to Lower Manhattan.

No longer will the term be wasted on a bunch of flyover states populated by white supremacist domestic terrorists — now it will properly designate the hub of American industry, with stockbrokers and hedge fund managers serving as the guardians of American exceptionalism.

Naturally, the people who live in said flyover states are having difficulty accepting the move — much in the same way that they are refusing to accept the results of the most secure election in American history. Which is why they are currently lashing out at the stock market and attempting to sabotage the backbone of our economy for political gain.

This is extremely dangerous to Our Democracy and quite literally an act of terrorism. Which is why we are encouraging our readers to reach out to the proper authorities if they see any signs of civilian stock trading. With your help, they will be able to identify the bad actors and restore order to the stonks.

There are over 75 million Trump supporters, and most of them are still roaming free.



Antifa Hotline is standing by.

Staff Writer

One of our wage slave writers contracted with NPC Daily. Repeat after me - orange man bad. Everything on this site is satire.
Back to top button