PERSPECTIVES: “I was radicalized by Ben Shapiro”

An open letter of apology

I was young and impressionable. He said boys have a penis. He said girls have a vagina. He said sex is biological, and that biology is not a social construct. He said life begins at conception.

I believed his lies. I repeated his lies.

I lost my job, my dog, and my theyfriend Sharon. (Sharon took the dog.)

I was banned from our local bagel shop and suspended from Twitter.

I woke up one morning to discover that I’d been excommunicated from the Catholic Church.

I was never even a member of the Catholic Church.

I’m better now, but I fear I will never be able to escape this feeling of soul-crushing remorse.

To all of the people I have hurt: I am so, so sorry. I only hope that you will someday find it in your hearts to forgive me.

Especially you, Uncle Maria Loretta. Please give my best to the Mother Superior.

NPC Contributor

When NPC Daily gets an exceptional submission on the "submit an article page", it's posted from NPC Contributor. Everything on this site is satire.
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