Syria bombed following a series of unfortunate misunderstandings and institutional failures

Biden's stutter triggers accidental military action

President Biden’s stutter got the better of him on Thursday after a particularly challenging crossword puzzle in which his chaperone (a femxle Muslimx womxyzn of color) broke with White House protocol to get three in a row.

While clearly vexed by her impromptu win, the president nevertheless offered his congratulations, which she unfortunately mistook for a command to “get the hell out of wherever the hell we are before I have you deported”.

White House officials say President Biden deeply regretted the misunderstanding (he has been plagued by his stutter since childhood) and immediately summoned the Joint Chiefs of Staff to ask them to apologize on his behalf.

Sadly, they too had difficulty understanding our poor president and instead mistook his request for instructions to “bomb those dirty sand [expletive] in whatever the hell country she came here from”. (Which he most certainly did not say.)

Speech impediments are invisible disabilities that often carry with them a certain degree of social stigma and embarrassment.

NPC Daily commends Joe Biden (our first disabled president) for the sacrifices he has made and for his brave refusal to allow his stutter to interfere with the lifestyle he has chosen at the expense of the American people and our national security.

No one has greater ability to bring visibility to this invisible disability (while continuing to raise awareness about dementia) than President Biden.

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Staff Writer

One of our wage slave writers contracted with NPC Daily. Repeat after me - orange man bad. Everything on this site is satire.

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