Now that Brexit has happened, the bonds that once held the United Kingdom together are beginning to fray. Northern Ireland is grumbling about its potato exports (whist plotting the next football riots) and the Scots have been entirely robbed of their national identity as citizens of the EU. The Welsh too appear malcontent, though about what is anyone’s guess because nobody can understand them through those ridiculous accents.
Which is why it was only natural that our flag would undergo a redesign, one aimed toward maximum inclusion around which we can all unify.
Critics of the new flag are being designated white supremacists because criticism of the new flag is white supremacy.
“We’ve been seeing a record influx of stern letters regarding the new design,” a source within Whitehall told NPC Daily. “Complaints to Members of Parliament, to the Home Office, to the editors of media publications — which thankfully know better that to print any of them.”
A large portion of these letters, quite tragically, have originated from British military officers — many of whom are still actively serving The Crown.
“We are gathering names and compiling lists. Hate has no home here, and I can assure you that the domestic terror threat posed by these far-right extremists will not be treated lightly.”
Nevertheless, the Government remains receptive to constructive feedback regarding the design — such as that from Leftists for the Eradication of Whiteness and British Borders, who find it insufficiently inclusive of the African American community.
“We understand such concerns, and while there are no further plans for redesign, the Royal Mint is looking into the possibility of replacing the Queen with Kamala Harris.”
Diversity truly is the United Kingdom’s greatest strength — and our only hope for survival in a post-Brexit world.