Culture

The 1812 Project: Gwen Berry and Nikole Hannah-Jones are literally making history

America's sweetheart and 1619 historian introduce new K-12 curriculum

Olympic hammer thrower Gwen Berry has announced that she will be teaming up with New York Times historian Nikole Hannah-Jones to bring more critical curriculum into the classroom.

“Lotta y’alls be thinkin’ like, the War of 18whatever gots to do with Bri’tish people or somethin’, but we here to tell you it ain’t,” Mx. Berry tweeted on Wednesday evening. “That be like some whole ‘nother war, and the Bri’ish don’t even count as people anyhow.”

According to America’s sweetheart, the War of 18[12] was fought between white supremacists and the Wakandans, with the former resorting to systematic racism and oppression once they realized they were no match for the technological advancements of the latter.

“They be like, oppressin’ everbody. They be beatin’ and buckin’ us when all we tryin’ to do is build this country on toppa all that stolen land.”

In light of this recent historical revelation, it isn’t hard to understand Mx. Berry’s outrage at having the White Nationalist Anthem (aka “Star Spangled Banner”) played in her presence during the Olympic Trials.

“Them honkies set me up.”

Never one to be discouraged by white people and their white nonsense, the athlete-activist is clapping back. With the help of Nikole Hannah-Jones (who brought us the 1619 Project), Mx. Berry aims to completely overhaul K-12 American history curriculum in time for the next school year.

“It be a lotta work, but it ain’t that hard. Once you get them little cracker kids apologizin’ for they racism, they be ready to learn they history. My momma ain’t raise no quitter.”

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One of our wage slave writers contracted with NPC Daily. Repeat after me - orange man bad. Everything on this site is satire.

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