(1) If it’s not broken, break it so you can fix it.
(2) If it’s already broken, make sure everyone understands that it wasn’t your fault.
(3) Sometimes it can be advantageous to throw yourself under the bus. Just make certain your guilt is so readily apparent that people are forced to conclude you are nothing more than a scapegoat.
(4) If they’re on to you, break something and then throw yourself under the bus. This will make you appear to be both a responsible individual and a victim. And everybody loves a victim.
(5) It is never enough to right a wrong. Always make sure to take full credit, even if you didn’t actually have a hand in fixing things, and even if you were the sole instigator of the problem.
(6) If there’s a problem, throw a body at it. This creates the impression that you are aware of the problem and are diligently working to fix it even though all you are really doing is passing the buck on to someone else.
(7) If you can’t find a solution to the problem, create new problems and attempt to fix those instead.
(8) There is no telling how far you will rise when you continually remind people that you are part of a protected minority group.
(9) The surest way to make yourself look good is to make everyone else around you look worse in comparison.
(10) If you can’t have the last word, at least make sure to get in the loudest.
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