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New Poll Shows Biden Approval Rating at 99 Percent on Afghanistan

Taliban Poll Shows Strong Approval of Biden's Handling of Afghan Exit

KABUL-At last there is a new poll with reliable, uplifting news. In a stunning and brave communique today, the Taliban released a recent poll that shows President Biden enjoys a 98% approval rating among Taliban men (the small handful of Taliban men who disapproved of Biden (2%) offered to change their votes to make it an 100 % if President Biden gives them their own personal tanks to commutee to work in and stimulus checks). Women do not vote in Afghanistan under the Taliban’s stewardship, because they do not want to.

A Taliban leader graciously took a call from the NPC Daily newsroom. “We like this Biden. Other Presidents never gave us any cool weapons; the other ones, especially Al Banyadam Naronji (Pashto for “Bad Orange Man”) give us nothing but hard time. The Orange one told us, ‘if you f around, I’ll bomb the living shit out of you”. He was no good for us. Biden leave us with more weapons than we ever had, plus he left us many women who he left here for the taking; I took three for myself. We need cash, he venmos us. We like him.”

Some news is still wholesome and good. The White House press corps broke into thunderous applause at the news when it was announced at White House Information Minister Jen Psaki’s daily press conference, which is the most highly watched daily event on the internet.

Diversity is our strength.

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Pepe Johnson

Robert ("Pepe") Johnson is a Gen YZ freelance social justice facilitator. A graduate of Palo Alto State with a major in Mime, with a concentration in Walking Against the Wind, with post-graduate online certificates of knowledge in Non-Binary Gender Studies and 21st Century Bathroom Planning, "Pepe" has performed as a nude mime and human statue, as well as a professional protestor. "Pepe" is a nickname, but he has been called that since childhood, not for current political gain or to seem more Mexican. This entire site is satire.

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