Biden

Biden Grants Citizenship to Chimeras

Half Human, Half-Animals Can Vote in 2022 Midterms

Joe Biden has worked tirelessly and patiently to solve the world’s problems. So far this year he has all but cured COVID and won the war in Afghanistan, even ending it with a perfectly planned and executed drone strike, which was like a grand finale at a fireworks show.

Many have wondered though, if he can keep up this winning pace in a country where nearly half the voters are Trump supporters (bigots). His team’s tireless efforts to keep the southern border open were a great start to ensuring that the 2022 midterms would be won by Democrats, but universally trusted polls have created concerns that there still may not be enough Blue voters to gain victory.

To that end, the President boldly signed into law an Executive Order granting citizenship to chimeras, which are created in labs from animals and aborted babies. “Today we are following the science. I’ve been patient enough. Some of these chimeras are beings of color. Only people who aren’t vaccinated will give us any shit about this. You kids get off my lawn! I told you I’d restore the soul of the nation so here you go. It’s time for unity. “

This topic was far too important to field questions from reporters. Instead, the President turned his back on a gaggle of reporters and let them bask in this stunning and brave news.

Diversity is our strength.

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Pepe Johnson

Robert ("Pepe") Johnson is a Gen YZ freelance social justice facilitator. A graduate of Palo Alto State with a major in Mime, with a concentration in Walking Against the Wind, with post-graduate online certificates of knowledge in Non-Binary Gender Studies and 21st Century Bathroom Planning, "Pepe" has performed as a nude mime and human statue, as well as a professional protestor. "Pepe" is a nickname, but he has been called that since childhood, not for current political gain or to seem more Mexican. This entire site is satire.

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