Ripley returns in Alien: Reassignment

Elliot Page to star as FtM Ripley

Xenomorph Zealots are rejoicing at the news that their beloved shero will be returning to the big screen to once again challenge contemporary notions of sex and gender.

Set two hundred years after the events of Alien Resurrection, this latest incarnation of Ripley will have been cloned from the DNA of the previous clone and have secretly identified as a he/him from toddlerhood.

“This was always Ridley’s vision,” said one Reddit user familiar with the thinking of the first installment’s director, Ridley Scott. “Ripley was a man in the original screenplay. He probably made her femxle so he could change her back to a man in later installments.”

Indeed, Alien was pumped full of LGBTQIAP+ themes, which fans are only just now realizing.

The sequel Aliens likewise featured several womxyzn with short hair — undoubtedly meant to be trans men — plus heavy lesbian subtext between Ripley and the Xenomorph queen.

“Ripley’s shaven head in Alien 3 was clearly intended as a rejection of traditional patriarchal notions of beauty,” feminist film critic Nora Craft told NPC Daily. “And that scene in Resurrection where she postnatally aborts her own hybrid offspring by blowing it out into space? That was powerful.”

But the upcoming Alien Reassignment is certain to be the most progressive installment yet.

Directed by the Wachowski sisters and starring Elliot Page — the only actor in Hollywood legally qualified to play the character of Ellen/Elliot Ripley — Reassignment takes a break from all the killing and the creatures to focus on battles of a different sort.

“The departure from the Science Fiction genre may prove a bit of a let-down to some fans,” Mx. Craft surmises. “But it’s hardly without precedent. The first and second films jumped from scifi-horror to scifi-action, so a romantic comedy with science fiction elements isn’t that much of a stretch.”

Staff Writer

One of our wage slave writers contracted with NPC Daily. Repeat after me - orange man bad. Everything on this site is satire.
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