ChiselPharm Announces That Their Lobotomy Kits 99% Effective Against Jab Resistance

Federal Agencies Expected to Approve Procedure After Testing and Studies Tomorrow

Everyone knows that unvaccinated people are literally Hitler. Even after learning that vaccines don’t make any real difference in whether you catch the disease, the red-hat MAGA crowd insists on refusing to do as they are told and submit to the government injecting them with something that’s obviously good. We also all know that refusing to get jabbed is a racist dog whistle.

Enter ChiselPharm, a noted multinational pharmaceutical giant, who bravely announced that their own lobotomy product is 99% effective against Vaxx Resistance Syndrome (“VRS”). Renowned scientists rejoiced:
“We’ve been doing lobotomies on Cocker Spaniels for years, and we have had no problems gaining compliance. They just stick their little paws out and take the jab after the lobotomy.” explained Dr. Fawci.

“Once you just scrape the racist bits out of their brains they comply. This is a no-brainer.” said The Science.

“It’s like that movie where the guy who played Moses gets his brain cut out by the gorillas. He didn’t give the government an ounce of shit after that. My grandfather used to say “Joey, if you can cut all your opponents brains out, you’ll be able to cut some good deals and get great jobs for your kids. On my word as a Biden.” whispered President Joe Biden.

Let’s all take a moment, and take a knee, for the science.

Pepe Johnson

Robert ("Pepe") Johnson is a Gen YZ freelance social justice facilitator. A graduate of Palo Alto State with a major in Mime, with a concentration in Walking Against the Wind, with post-graduate online certificates of knowledge in Non-Binary Gender Studies and 21st Century Bathroom Planning, "Pepe" has performed as a nude mime and human statue, as well as a professional protestor. "Pepe" is a nickname, but he has been called that since childhood, not for current political gain or to seem more Mexican. This entire site is satire.
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