CIA Wikipedia Leaks: An NPC Daily EXCLUSIVE

HACKED wiki documents reveal SHOCKING truth about January 6th

History will not remember Trump kindly.

We can say this with absolutely certainty because one of Senator Feinstein’s staffers helped NPC Daily investigative journalist Neville P. Croft hack into the CIA’s time scoop program and download a Wikipedia article from the 23rd century.

(Lawyer Andy says they can do this because Neville is undocumented and Feinstein is a Democrat, which means the laws of man do not apply.)

Key findings, per the article:

• Donald Trump urinated on Michelle Obama while they were having a threesome with Hunter Biden in Russia.

• The Muslimx Ban of 2017 paved the way for the Latinx Genxcide of 2018. Firsthand accounts are scarce (ICE left few survivors), but here are 14 heartbreaking photos that will make you want to rip apart the Constitution and abolish our borders.

• When Trump nominated Harvey Weinstein to the Supreme Court, Alyssa Milano famously declared to her colleagues, “This is the most unethical sham since I’ve been in politics!” She later voted to confirm him.

• Trump teamed up with Putin to engineer a deadly virus that would have killed us all if not for the science-based heroism of Dr. Anthony Fauci, Joe Biden, Dr. Jill Biden, Pfizer, and several thousand TikTok nurses.

• George Floyd was a lynched by a pack of smiling MAGA children who poured bleach over him and stole his Subway sandwich. Mecha Pope was so moved to hear of Floyd calling out for the Virgin Mary with his final breath that it immediately declared him the first LGBTQIAPBIPOC saint. (George Floyd was also trans.) Peaceful demonstrations followed.

• January 6th, 2021 will be forever known as the Day of Infamy in which Donald Trump led his army of white supremacist Proud Boys in a kamikaze attack upon the Twin Towers of Pearl Harbor. A ten-year manhunt for Enrique Tarrio and his husband Milo ensued.

• Kyle Rittenhouse, Drew Hernandez, and Elijah Schaffer were acquitted of the slaughter of a half dozen black men in what came to be known as the Rittenhouse Massacre. (It is generally agreed that the judge was on the take.) The Kenosha Klan would later team up with Andy Ngo of Atomwaffen to commit hate crimes against the LGBTQIAPBIPOC community.

• President Dustin Levitt unexpectedly loses his 2044 re-election bid to Senator Barron Trump, prompting speculation that the Senate might have access to top secret CIA time travel technology.

Everybody wears a tan suit in the future.

Staff Writer

One of our wage slave writers contracted with NPC Daily. Repeat after me - orange man bad. Everything on this site is satire.
Back to top button