Biden to Name Ru Paul Next Supreme Court Justice

“She is a Transgender Woman of Black, which is all that matters”

WASHINGTON- When good, triple-vaccinated Americans learned of Justice Stephen Breyer’s retirement announcement this week, they were visibly terrified. For four years, President Trump had brazenly appointed hundreds of federal judges without giving a second thought to their race, gender, age, preferred personal pronouns or even sexual preferences. Instead, the former bigot-in-chief made his appointments based on so-called “qualifications”, “experience” and “legal scholarship”, as if any of those things matter when picking a Supreme Court Justice.

The torrent of Trump’s “merit-based” appointments literally seemed that it would never stop. For those who (understandably) do not recognize the term “merit-based”, it is an anti-American notion that people should have to “earn” their jobs through education, experience, intelligence and hard work. That theory is obviously Russian disinformation.

Fortunately, President Biden has demonstrated once again that real American leaders choose federal appointees entirely based on their gender and race, which is the only way to get the best people for any job. Earlier this week, President Biden announced that he would nominate a black woman to replace Justice Breyer. We all breathed a collective sigh of relief through our masks when the news was announced. It didn’t really matter who he picked, as long as she was black; we all knew the country would be in good shape.

However, as he so often does, President Biden has literally exceeded our high expectations of him yet again. Today, the president announced that the next Supreme Court Justice would be Ru Paul, a transgender black female. “I said when I took this job that I will appoint people based entirely on their race and gender, plus some gay ones. And that’s what we are doing today.” A journalist shouted out a question about RuPaul’s legal experience. “I’m not answering questions dick face, you always ask me things I’m not supposed to answer“, said the President in a very presidential tone. Future Justice Paul could not be reached for comment at press time.

Thank you Mr. President for restoring the soul of the nation. Diversity is our strength.

Pepe Johnson

Robert ("Pepe") Johnson is a Gen YZ freelance social justice facilitator. A graduate of Palo Alto State with a major in Mime, with a concentration in Walking Against the Wind, with post-graduate online certificates of knowledge in Non-Binary Gender Studies and 21st Century Bathroom Planning, "Pepe" has performed as a nude mime and human statue, as well as a professional protestor. "Pepe" is a nickname, but he has been called that since childhood, not for current political gain or to seem more Mexican. This entire site is satire.
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