Let’s face facts: all good Americans are willing to pay much higher prices for gas to support Ukraine. Record-breaking price increases are the only way to save democracy itself. Americans have enthusiastically lined up at the gas pumps and joyfully watched the prices jump daily. Some have even celebrated by placing stickers of President Biden stating the obvious: “I did that”, pointing at the good-for-Ukraine skyrocketing gas prices.
Some small-minded bigots say that gas prices had already doubled in the thirteen months between the time President Biden was sworn in and when Putin invaded Ukraine. We will not let them rain on our parade with that type of misinformation and wrong think. Mr. Biden has already explained that inflation and high gas prices and heating costs are not his fault, which has been fact checked by trusted news sources.
To help explain to the servant-class why rapidly rising fuel and food costs are actually good for them, the White House Team has issued a 5 Point Primer on why inflation is really good for us.
“I’ve asked Vice President Woman of Color Harris to spearhead our new initiative to educate Americans about why nothing bad is our fault and you’ll just have to live with it. “
President Harris began nodding her head and said confidently:
“I’m speaking! Look. Let me be clear. There are 5 Party-Approved reasons why rising food and fuel prices are good for you. Pay attention!
- Racism: The only way to fight racism is to raise gas and food prices, so that everyone pays their fair share. 109 Nobel Prize winners have signed a letter addressed to the mainstream media saying that inflation is the only way to beat racism.
- Higher Prices help Ukraine Remain Free. Only real homophobes cannot see the cause and effect of raising American gas prices, which is the liberation of Ukraine, which is sort of in Europe, and sort of a democracy, as far as I know.
- Trump. Trump spent 3 and half years lowering the cost of gas, where did that get us? If Trump lowered the prices in half, we will get him back by raising it as high as we can. You know who else liked low gas and oil prices? You guessed it, literally Hitler.
- Affordable food and low gas prices are an existential threat to the Democratic Party itself. The January 6th insurrection happened because people had the gas money to get here. Not next time! $2 per gallon gasoline and easy access to healthy food are the greatest threat to the Democratic Party since World War II.
- You can’t do anything about it. You get what you voted for, and that’s us! (At this point the VP’s infectious laughter filled the room). You can’t change anything for 3 and a half years, so let’s stay focused on Ukraine, and quit thinking about yourselves all the time or we’ll just straight up ban gas.
Thank you. God bless our troops.”
Diversity is our strength.