Biden Promises American Famine to Help Ukraine

“Food shortages in America is the only way to teach Putin a lesson”

WARSAW : In a stunning and brave mission statement, President Joe Biden announced that America’s resolve to “stand with Ukraine “ has no limits. “Putin needs to learn that we will stand up to him no matter what. And yes that means America will run out of food pretty quick, right after we run out of foreign oil. No I’m not joking. But this Putin guy is bad, just like Trump.” explained America’s elder statesman. “So yes, in fact, you are all gonna go hungry if that’s what it takes. But about a month before the midterms we will be giving out free debit cards for $600 each, so don’t worry.”

“Look I’ve been patient enough with Putin, now it’s time for everyone to do their part, and that includes American poverty, starvation and we are even talking about launching a new plague variant, oh I’m not supposed to say that I’ll get in trouble…” continued the worlds greatest leader.

Here at home, all good Americans rejoiced. “Starvation is good for the climate ”, explained climate Tsar John Kerry, from aboard his private jet. “Eating increases one’s carbon footprint. Hunger is a win-win and a key component of the President’s Build Back Better Plan.”

“As long as whites starve too I’m ok with that.” Said an unnamed source. Several approved news sources have reported that all Americans agree to starve to get back at Putin. All disagreement with this brave plan have been debunked and removed as disinformation from the internet.

Finally we have a President that doesn’t tweet mean tweets to foreign leaders; we now have a sharp President with a vision for us.

Diversity is our strength.

Pepe Johnson

Robert ("Pepe") Johnson is a Gen YZ freelance social justice facilitator. A graduate of Palo Alto State with a major in Mime, with a concentration in Walking Against the Wind, with post-graduate online certificates of knowledge in Non-Binary Gender Studies and 21st Century Bathroom Planning, "Pepe" has performed as a nude mime and human statue, as well as a professional protestor. "Pepe" is a nickname, but he has been called that since childhood, not for current political gain or to seem more Mexican. This entire site is satire.
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