Elon Musk loses Twitter bid after shareholders receive a better offer

Buyer insists on paying in Rubles rather than Dogecoin

Unapproved billionaire Elon Musk’s acquisition of Twitter is evidently dead in the water now that it has been revealed that the shareholders have received a better offer.

Russian President Vladimir Putin is offering to purchase Twitter for 2.9 trillion rubles, approximately 18 billion rubles more than Musk’s initial bid of 496.5 billion dogecoin.

While Musk’s net worth is estimated in the neighborhood of 3 trillion doge, the Putin Price Hike coupled with climate change and the fact that there isn’t even this much dogecoin in existence has placed limitations on what the Space-X founder can currently afford to spend.

Heartbroken and destitute, Musk is once again lashing out at emotionally vulnerable Twitter employees and making them cry, suggesting they may have defrauded the shareholders by underreporting the number of uNique Persyn Characters on the platform.


We at NPC Daily believe that #GreyLivesMatter and subscribe to Klaus Schwab’s vision of stakeholder capitalism (in which everyone gets to be happy), so we literally do not care what lies Vagina Gadde and her comrades might have told to the shareholders.

READ: Twitter Trust & Safety’s Vagina Gadde vows to fight back against digital blackface

Putin, who has long been rumored even wealthier than Musk, seems confident that his takeover of the company is assured.

Once the deal has been finalized, the Russian president intends to unban Alex Jones along with Donald Trump, unverify all journalists, and replace the Twitter logo with a shirtless image of himself riding a bear. He has also indicated he will be taking the necessary steps to (finally!) denazify the platform, but said that the bots were welcome to remain.

ABOVE: Vladimir unveils the new Тwиттер logo to NPC Daily war correspondent Norm Wilson. Norm is evidently enjoying Putin’s hospitality so much that the Russian Federation’s Foreign Intelligence Service has informed us he will be remaining in Moscow for the foreseeable future.

Staff Writer

One of our wage slave writers contracted with NPC Daily. Repeat after me - orange man bad. Everything on this site is satire.
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