Biden Bans White People from TV Commercials

Straight People to Be Banned from TV by 2023

All Americans know that everything is racist. Our greatest President ever, Joe Biden, has pointed out that white people are the biggest threat to democracy. “It’s always their fault, look I’m not joking. The white … thing … life, liberty, their free speech bullshit and the other stuff, has to be stopped. The only way to have unity is to blame every problem on one group of people, and to base it solely on their race.”

We can all agree that when President Biden sees a problem, he tackles it. Having identified this problem, he announced his brave plan. “I’ve told them that white people have to be removed from the commercials, and eventually all tv altogether. I’ve been patient enough with this, but there’s still a few whites in the ads and on the shows. When I watch Andy Griffith, or an old Barnaby Jones episode I see old white people in the commercials. No mixed-race gay couples, no trannies. Enough!”

All good Americans know this is best for us. Yet, as usual, right-wing bigots challenged this new plan. At the White House press briefing, a Fox news misogynist asked the White House Press secretary, who is black, female, immigrant and gay, among many other accomplishments, “Does the President really think that singling out and blaming one race of people will heal the soul of the nation?”

Press Secretary Karin Jean-Pierre had her answer holstered, “Well, do I need to remind you that I am black, female, immigrant, and LGBTQ++.” This obviously should have settled the matter.

Yet Fox persisted, “What does it matter whether straight people, or white people, appear on tv shows, how does that bring unity?”

Press Secretary Jean-Pierre shut down the bigot quickly with hard facts: “The President has made clear that television should reflect our color and gayness. Everyone knows that communities of color are the hardest hit in any situation. He has generously allowed some whites to remain on TV for the next few months, as long as they are gay and involved in really gay plot lines. Need I remind you I am black, gay, female and immigrant?”

Diversity is our strength.

Pepe Johnson

Robert ("Pepe") Johnson is a Gen YZ freelance social justice facilitator. A graduate of Palo Alto State with a major in Mime, with a concentration in Walking Against the Wind, with post-graduate online certificates of knowledge in Non-Binary Gender Studies and 21st Century Bathroom Planning, "Pepe" has performed as a nude mime and human statue, as well as a professional protestor. "Pepe" is a nickname, but he has been called that since childhood, not for current political gain or to seem more Mexican. This entire site is satire.
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