What EXACTLY is an assault weapon and what to do about them

We’ve all felt it. The dramatic rise in shootings in recent months has left all decent-hearted Americans in a state of cultural malaise. These vicious attacks which primarily target women, LBGTQIA+ advocates and people of color are a rampant problem in modern American society. They all seem to stem from one problem however: right-wing conservatives wielding assault weapons. This needs to stop.

But what exactly is an Assault Weapon? The clue is in the name. These guns are designed to kill, and kill well.

They are not like your grandpa’s hunting rifle, your uncle’s shotgun or the revolver your ex kept in his sock drawer. These are military grade, fully semi-automatic weapons that use high-powered bullets.

It doesn’t end there. These machines of death are specifically designed to fit a wide variety of horrifying attachments. The AR-15 (Assault Rifle 15) is a weapon used in many shootings, and can legally be equipped with 300 round clips, red dot sights, chainsaws and even grenade launchers (commonly referred to as ‘noob tubes’ among violent Trump supporters). No permit, license or paperwork is required to purchase one of these killing machines. You don’t even have to be 18 in some states.

Civilians should not have access to these guns; but the police are basically giving them out like candy to right wing extremists like candy to children.

How can we ban assault weapons?

For starters, the second amendment needs to go. Far-right extremists cling to this outdated amendment like it’s their dying aborted child. Simply put, they need to grow up. It was written over 300 years ago, where all they had were muskets. Do you think the founding fathers would be okay with everyone owning Russian AK-47s? No. No they would not.

Secondly, the police need to go around and remove every firearm from every American citizen. This in no way can or will end badly.

Finally, we need to educated straight white males (the ones who perpetrate these mass shootings with assault rifles) by mandating sensitivity seminars hosted by Queer Kid Stuff, which is guaranteed to remove any violent thoughts from viewers upon listening.

Only then will America be a place worth living. Until then, women and people of color will be living in constant fear of being gunned down by a domestic terrorist in a MAGA hat and this is not the America we want.


The creator of NPC Daily. The mastermind behind the entire NPC Daily movement. Yes, this entire website is satire and not meant to be taken seriously. It's for fun. Chill. See "about" page for more details. Now that we got that taken care of, repeat after me: "Orange man the absolute worst."
Back to top button